Don’t you love those friends who totally keep you grounded? (And Nicole, I really DO love that we talk this way...)The ones who know how obnoxious your life really is, despite the pretty picture you “paint” on your blog? Well tonight, I had the pleasure of driving around town with one of these good friends, Nicole on our way to a jewelry training. Not sure how we arrived at this topic, but essentially, what I realized is that I, apparently, paint a very “happy” picture of my life on my blog. Always. (She's right, I do.)
Our conversation went something like this:
(in response to the statement that I ALWAYS write about happy stuff on my blog)
Me: “Do I?”
Nicole: “Well, yes, you do. People probably think you’re on some really great happy pills.”
Me: “But I really think my life IS that great.”
Nicole: Well, you ARE the most optimistic, glass-is-so-damn-full-it’s-practically-spilling-over” kinda person I know. Etc. Etc. (That’s cuz my proverbial glass is full of wine.) hee hee
So today, I'm going to suck a little wine outa that glass and level with you all. Just a notch. Don’t need any tears or depressing-ness around me. But I just want you to know that our life is, in fact, NOT PERFECT. I am a REAL person...(who MAY be a tad bit on the cheery side)..But here's the lowdown on the "uughs" of my world:
1. Ethan bangs his head on the floor, the wall, the sidewalk, etc. when he’s frustrated. I’m seriously afraid he might crack his skull.
2. We live paycheck to paycheck. Extra money does not exist. And yes, I still get a Starbucks at least once a week, because quite frankly, I believe life is too short to be so caught up with a few dollars here and there...stupid? Maybe. But I choose to live this life and enjoy this life now.)
3. Lately, I pay lots of bills late because I need to buy WAY more groceries and diapers and gas to get around town these days. I know this is not ideal, but I do not have a choice. Oh well!
4. I am working a second job selling Premier Jewelry (which I love), but it means another 2-3 nights a week that I don’t get to spend with my kids. (Hoping to alleviate the stress of number 3 by doing this. )
5. I simply cannot keep my house clean like I used to. This bothers me to no end. I am eternally grateful for my mom and sister who help me simply “keep up” with dishes and laundry.
6. My poor Piper girl (our dog) has had expired tags for almost 2 years because we can’t afford to get her all her shots and tags because we are constantly paying copays for our kids to go to the pediatrician and for Colton to have follow-ups with his surgeon and his speech pathologists.
7. Every day I look at Colton and his crooked teeth and all I can think about is his next surgery (which is years away) and how close we came to losing him after his palate surgery. I don’t ever want him to have surgery again but I don’t want him to have crooked teeth or be made fun of, either. This is a constant internal struggle for me.
8. I just want the grass in the backyard to be green, darn it. Neither Brian nor I have a clue how to do this, (really well, anyway.)
9. Like everyone else, Brian and I argue. We argue because sometimes we have different ideas about how to raise our kids.
10. My parents are recently divorced after nearly 40 years of marriage. And my heart aches terribly that I will probably never get to see them play with my kids together, or enjoy them together the way I always imagined they would.
So there. Just a sampling of downers....But remember this-we all have a choice in how we deal with these things. I choose to be positive cuz what's the point in not? Why make stress MORE stressful? I guess I really am a glass-so-full-it's-practically-spilling-over kinda person and I like it that way. It's a personal choice I make. Good friends and family have gotten sick, several with Cancer. Friends have lost babies, I have had my share of personal heartache regarding infertility, miscarriages, ectopic pregnancies, etc. But I'm alive. And I have great friends and a family, a husband and three kids with whom I would spend every waking minute, if i could. I am lucky.
So tonight especially, I am thankful for the gift of optimism.
And I'm sorry if I've spilled on you. My glass is just too darn full..