This post will surely feel as if it came out of the blue. (You might even think I wrote it while consuming my favorite red beverage, but I didn't.) The babies are asleep, and though there are a thousand things "out of place" in my house that surely could use some attention, instead, I am doing one of the things I love most...blog hopping. I start at one of my favorites, then click to a blog that THAT person loves, and on an on. So tonight I happened to be on the "infertility blog" circuit.
I know what you're thinking. Ami, you have triplets. Surely you are not infertile. And while that may be true now... for many years I was. And it was the worst. If you've never been there, you have no idea. I just read the most eloquently written "RULES" a young woman wrote about what NOT to say to someone who is having trouble getting pregnant. It was as if she had taken thoughts right out of my head and put them onto her blog....Curious to hear a few (summarized in MY words?)
Do not suggest that I need to just "relax."
Do not suggest that I "just adopt". (Since when did adoption become 'just' something to do anyway? 'Just' belongs in front of phrases like, "Why don't you just paint your nails red instead of pink." Adoption is much more important than that...
Do not offer to loan me your husband's sperm.
Do not offer to 'give' me any of your children.
Do not try to make me feel 'lucky' to be childless by pointing out that ' you have 3 crazy kids to contend with because you get pregnant when your husband merely looks at you.'
Do not tell me this was meant to be. You are not God. Don't pretend to be.
Heaven forbid, if I should be blessed with a pregnancy and then stunned with a miscarriage, do not utter any of the following things to me:
- "There was probably something wrong with the baby anyway."
-"Maybe this was a sign."
-"At least you were only ___ weeks along."
-"You'll get pregnant again. There are other fish in the sea."
Anyway, I could go on and on...My point is, being infertile is something I am so thankful to have gotten beyond, but also something I am so thankful to have gone through. (Yeah, I pretty much never thought those words would leave my mouth.) Those years shaped me, readied me, prepared me for the day I would welcome perfect triplets into this world. I do believe I am less stressed about raising 3 babies because I am just so thankful that I am no longer crying into my pillow at night wondering why pot smoking teenage girls get pregnant and I can't.
Furthermore, and this is actually what prompted this post- let's just talk about triplets for a moment. I will never, ever forget the day I went for that ultrasound. I already knew I was pregnant, but hadn't seen any heartbeat yet. (Rewind to the pregnancy before in which I ALSO knew I was pregnant, but was saddened to learn shortly thereafter that there was no beating heart.) So you can imagine that it was with great trepidation that we went into the doctor's office that day to hopefully see that blinking sign of life flashing on the screen. And the fact that the phone calls I made that day went something like.... "They didn't see a heartbeat. (pause...wait for the devastated silence)....THEY SAW THREE!" still makes me smile.
But here's my beef. Again. The words, "You're pregnant with triplets" should never, ever be followed in the same breath, with the words, "But we can't let you carry all three."
And yet, they were.
I was reminded of my fury that day when I came across a blog in which the couple's Dr. was trying to help them decide how many embryos to implant in their IVF cycle. The doctor told them that he WOULD implant three if they wanted. Then he asked them if they'd be willing to reduce the pregnancy to twins if they should get pregnant with triplets. The couple said 'no.' And so, the doctor said that he would not, then, implant three. Just two. As if triplets are so bad.
And that, my friends, is what prompted this entry. :)
Trust me, I see the Doctors' rationale. I do. (And I'm actually glad that the above mentioned doctor preempted the stress I went through for THAT couple, by not allowing it to happen in the first place. ) But many doctors DO implant more than 2 embryos and thus, many couples pregnant with triplets are barraged with all of the following statements:
There are loads of complications that come with carrying triplets. (Though I had none.)
There are all kinds of health problems the babies could have. (Yet, my triplets are perfect.) And interestingly, I know quite a few sets of triplets who are ALL healthy and normal.
You aren't big enough to carry three babies. (Except that I am 5'2", 100 pounds & did just fine.)
You may lose one or all of the babies. (Interestingly, I lost none.)
You will be on bedrest and unable to work. (Pretty sure I was not on bedrest for even 1 minute.)
Now, I know that all of these things DO happen. Obviously. Or doctors would not be so adamant about pushing reduction on pregnant women with more than 2 beating hearts inside them.
And yet, I still get so mad when I recall how I felt (how many of us felt) when we were given the suggestion that we should 'reduce' the pregnancy, so lightly, on a day that I had waited for, hoped for, cried for, for years. The happiest day of my life. The happiest day of my life you tell me you can't 'let' me keep all of my babies? That I will have to reduce the pregnancy to twins??
Reduce is something you do to fractions. Not to my 3 babies with beating hearts. I don't judge others who have chosen this path. That was for them to decide. For me, it simply was not an option.
It just irks me that 'triplets' are a bad thing in the medical world.
My life is perfect because of my three babies. (okay, okay....they might be technically be toddlers now...)
And I just felt like saying that. If you are pregnant with triplets. Be positive. Stay off the internet....You are in for the ride of your life. And if you can manage to always look for the rainbow through the rain, then you will rock mommy-hood!
Colton, Hunter and Ethan, here's to you! This mama's world would not be the same without any one of you. You are my forever rainbows on the rainiest of days. :) I love you, my toddler babies!