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Posts about Colton's Cleft Lip and Palate surgeries as well as the Triplets' Cranial Bands are along the sidebar.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Random ramblings from an infertile mother of triplets :)

This post will surely feel as if it came out of the blue. (You might even think I wrote it while consuming my favorite red beverage, but I didn't.) The babies are asleep, and though there are a thousand things "out of place" in my house that surely could use some attention, instead, I am doing one of the things I love most...blog hopping. I start at one of my favorites, then click to a blog that THAT person loves, and on an on. So tonight I happened to be on the "infertility blog" circuit.

I know what you're thinking. Ami, you have triplets. Surely you are not infertile. And while that may be true now... for many years I was. And it was the worst. If you've never been there, you have no idea. I just read the most eloquently written "RULES" a young woman wrote about what NOT to say to someone who is having trouble getting pregnant. It was as if she had taken thoughts right out of my head and put them onto her blog....Curious to hear a few (summarized in MY words?)

Do not suggest that I need to just "relax."

Do not suggest that I "just adopt". (Since when did adoption become 'just' something to do anyway? 'Just' belongs in front of phrases like, "Why don't you just paint your nails red instead of pink." Adoption is much more important than that...

Do not offer to loan me your husband's sperm.

Do not offer to 'give' me any of your children.

Do not try to make me feel 'lucky' to be childless by pointing out that ' you have 3 crazy kids to contend with because you get pregnant when your husband merely looks at you.'

Do not tell me this was meant to be. You are not God. Don't pretend to be.

Heaven forbid, if I should be blessed with a pregnancy and then stunned with a miscarriage, do not utter any of the following things to me:
- "There was probably something wrong with the baby anyway."
-"Maybe this was a sign."
-"At least you were only ___ weeks along."
-"You'll get pregnant again. There are other fish in the sea."

Anyway, I could go on and on...My point is, being infertile is something I am so thankful to have gotten beyond, but also something I am so thankful to have gone through. (Yeah, I pretty much never thought those words would leave my mouth.) Those years shaped me, readied me, prepared me for the day I would welcome perfect triplets into this world. I do believe I am less stressed about raising 3 babies because I am just so thankful that I am no longer crying into my pillow at night wondering why pot smoking teenage girls get pregnant and I can't.

Furthermore, and this is actually what prompted this post- let's just talk about triplets for a moment. I will never, ever forget the day I went for that ultrasound. I already knew I was pregnant, but hadn't seen any heartbeat yet. (Rewind to the pregnancy before in which I ALSO knew I was pregnant, but was saddened to learn shortly thereafter that there was no beating heart.) So you can imagine that it was with great trepidation that we went into the doctor's office that day to hopefully see that blinking sign of life flashing on the screen. And the fact that the phone calls I made that day went something like.... "They didn't see a heartbeat. (pause...wait for the devastated silence)....THEY SAW THREE!" still makes me smile.

But here's my beef. Again. The words, "You're pregnant with triplets" should never, ever be followed in the same breath, with the words, "But we can't let you carry all three."

And yet, they were.

I was reminded of my fury that day when I came across a blog in which the couple's Dr. was trying to help them decide how many embryos to implant in their IVF cycle. The doctor told them that he WOULD implant three if they wanted. Then he asked them if they'd be willing to reduce the pregnancy to twins if they should get pregnant with triplets. The couple said 'no.' And so, the doctor said that he would not, then, implant three. Just two. As if triplets are so bad.

And that, my friends, is what prompted this entry. :)

Trust me, I see the Doctors' rationale. I do. (And I'm actually glad that the above mentioned doctor preempted the stress I went through for THAT couple, by not allowing it to happen in the first place. ) But many doctors DO implant more than 2 embryos and thus, many couples pregnant with triplets are barraged with all of the following statements:

There are loads of complications that come with carrying triplets. (Though I had none.)

There are all kinds of health problems the babies could have. (Yet, my triplets are perfect.) And interestingly, I know quite a few sets of triplets who are ALL healthy and normal.

You aren't big enough to carry three babies. (Except that I am 5'2", 100 pounds & did just fine.)

You may lose one or all of the babies. (Interestingly, I lost none.)

You will be on bedrest and unable to work. (Pretty sure I was not on bedrest for even 1 minute.)

Now, I know that all of these things DO happen. Obviously. Or doctors would not be so adamant about pushing reduction on pregnant women with more than 2 beating hearts inside them.

And yet, I still get so mad when I recall how I felt (how many of us felt) when we were given the suggestion that we should 'reduce' the pregnancy, so lightly, on a day that I had waited for, hoped for, cried for, for years. The happiest day of my life. The happiest day of my life you tell me you can't 'let' me keep all of my babies? That I will have to reduce the pregnancy to twins??

Reduce is something you do to fractions. Not to my 3 babies with beating hearts. I don't judge others who have chosen this path. That was for them to decide. For me, it simply was not an option.

It just irks me that 'triplets' are a bad thing in the medical world.

My life is perfect because of my three babies. (okay, okay....they might be technically be toddlers now...)

And I just felt like saying that. If you are pregnant with triplets. Be positive. Stay off the internet....You are in for the ride of your life. And if you can manage to always look for the rainbow through the rain, then you will rock mommy-hood!

Colton, Hunter and Ethan, here's to you! This mama's world would not be the same without any one of you. You are my forever rainbows on the rainiest of days. :) I love you, my toddler babies!


Chamberlin said...

Thank you, thank you, thank you for the post! I gave birth to my triplets in March at only 27 weeks gestation. While I didn't have quite the ride to get there, since they were spontaneous, I was just as mortified when my first OB suggested we terminate one of the babies because two were sharing the same sac (mono-mono twins). We switched doctors. My water broke for the other sac at only 16 weeks. One of the options given was to terminate that baby to help the other two. Instead I went on strict bedrest, hoping to save all three. My three girls are 6 months old now, have no lingering effects from being born so early, and like you I couldn't picture my life without them.

Ami said...

Chamberlin, I am so excited for you!! I have wondered several times how your girls are doing! It's so good to hear from you! :)I am thrilled for you all knowing how much awaits you! I'd love to meet up someday! :) Take care! Hugs to you and your precious babies!

Tim and Darcy said...

Funny...I do the blog hopping, too! I ended up here from Alexanders Hat Trick. Very CUTE family :)

Anonymous said...

Oh Ami how I remember doctor visit after doctor visit! I also remember the text that said you were having TRIPLETS!! But one of my favorite memories is when you and Brian decided to NOT reduce! What a weight lifted off your shoulders (and all of ours! :))
God had blessed you with three babies for a reason! You are an amazing woman!
I feel honored to be a witness to Gods grace and blessings through you!
Love you my friend!!

The Alexanders said...

What a great post! When we found out we were going to have triplets I got on the internt right away and started looking stuff up, I am the kind of person who must know everything in order to feel prepared. There were so many sites that were total downers...and then I found your blog! I love your blog, it gave me so many things to be excited for about having triplets...I just wish that everyone pregnant with triplets could read your blog :)

Anabelle said...

Like Charlotte, I will NEVER forget the phone call after that first ultrasound (or any of the other heartbreaking phone calls, it makes me teary eyed just thinking about them). Your pause was pure torture!
I couldn't even imagine a life without Colton, Hunter or Ethan. You all are very blessed to have each other. And we are lucky to have you as friends (and fun spouses!)

PS See you in 4 days!!! We're as ready as we'll ever be for toddling triplets!

JHof522 said...

Ami, I am Charlotte's sister-in-law and she recommended I read your blogs about a year ago. I love your insight into life!! This blog is so helpful to me right now as my son and his wife are trying to get pregnant and have had no luck for 3 months. Anyway, I just want to say THANK YOU!!! You are awesome!! Judy Hoffner

Michelle said...

On my most difficult days, I think about you and how you appreciate every little moment with your babies and it inspires me to do that same. Great post!!

Mrs. DeBono said...

Ami- I read your blog every time you post even though we talk at school but tonight I thought I would leave a comment. I just wanted to let you know that while Joey and I are child-free at the moment, you are a continued inspiration to me that motherhood is a true blessing and gift. I know that when my time comes, no matter how many little angels I carry, Joey and I can look to you and Brian for all the support and help. Thank you for being such a positive and wonderful person and for loving your children the way you do. If only the world had more Ami Bunch(es) in it!

Mom said...

You are my sunshine (one of my two sunshines) you make me happy when skies are gray, you'll never know dear how much I love you, please don't take my sunshine away..I love and respect you so much my little Ami Love, Gramma

Jen said...

I'm grateful to have such an inspirational friend who has taken us all on the best triplet adventure ever :) We love every moment,snapshot, story, blog entry and video that has transpired of these past few years. You will always have us by your side in this wonderful journey! Love you all :)

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