Wasn't I just lying motionless on the couch after my fifth and final attempt at IVF pleading with any and all powers that be to please, please, please make this time work? Wasn't I just staring at an ultrasound monitor with 3 glimmering heartbeats no bigger than a flea for the very first time? Wasn't I just falling in love with the grainy black and white babies rolling around in my stomach at my weekly ultrasounds? Wasn't I just sending out mass text messages that the babies 'A, B and C' were still growing well and were 1 pound each now? Was I not just going in for my C-Section? Weren't dozens of you just waiting anxiously for word that the babies had been born? Wasn't I just making my nightly treks to the NICU, stopping for chai tea in the cafeteria and then heading up to love on my 3 and 4 pound infants? Where did that time go?
That time....I suppose that time turned into memories. And I think I have made at least one memory for every second that ticked by this past year. Probably more. I don't think I am any better a mother than anyone else. I have made mistakes this past year. But I will say this-I am in love with my children. More than I ever thought possible. My friend Nicole paid me the nicest compliment on her blog yesterday. She said, "I look at Ami and she lives in every moment of her babies." How nice to hear.... I'm certainly not trying to win any awards or be any better than anyone else. I just came to motherhood from a different place than many. It was anything BUT easy. There were days I didn't think I was ever going to be a mom and that was a hard pill to swallow especially when everyone around me was consumed with their own children.
So, like anything else, when you finally get something you thought you'd never have, you have a different appreciation for it. Not a better one, just different. That's all... So I made it my mission that every single day of their lives, those babies would see my smile, feel my hug, and hear my voice tell them how much I love them and how proud I am of them. And I did it.
And my babies turned a year old today. And you all were kind enough to cheer me on this year. I don't know if I'll ever be able to really explain to the babies just how many people love them and cared enough about them to read our blog well before they were even born and send cards, gifts, prayers and more. I am just amazed at how much you all care. Thank you for making their first year so perfect...Who knows what the 2nd year will bring. :)
Happy Birthday Colton.
Birth: 4 lbs. 6 oz., 17 1/4 inches
One Year: 20 lbs. 14 oz., 30 inches
Happy Birthday Hunter.
Birth: 3 lbs. 2 oz., 15 inches
One Year: 17 lbs. 6 oz., 29 1/4 inches
Happy Birthday Ethan.
Birth: 3 lbs. 15 oz., 17 inches
One Year: 20 lbs. 10 oz., 29 1/2 inches
Mommy Loves You.