To My Ethan Bear

Dear Ethan,

Today, my little man, you are 8 months old. "Time flies" is what they say. They are right. I often think about the moment you were born and I remember it like it was just yesterday. All those months I carried you, I tried to imagine what you would be like, who you would look like, and what would your personality be? You were an energetic one in my belly and towards the end of my pregnancy, just before you were born, you had wiggled your way right up into my rib cage. I was so afraid you were uncomfortable in there, but I was afraid to try and push you back down because I didn't want to squish you! I miss the days when I would just sit in my rocking chair, and watch and feel you move. Many times I would poke you gently and you would poke back. That's how I knew you and I were going to get along just fine. :) And finally, on that 23rd day of March, I got to meet you.

The way you screamed the moment you came into this big world, I would've have thought you'd be an unhappy little boy, but you have proved that wrong. You are sweet, you are funny, and often you are the peacekeeper of the group. You have a very gentle soul. I often thought your sister must've bullied her way into being born second even though you were Baby B and you should've been second. But now that I know you, I'm pretty sure you were already being a little gentleman and letting your little sister go first. I'm so proud of you. I know you will always look out for her.

You had me wrapped around your little finger from the time you weighed barely 4 pounds. You had my little button nose from the start, which I love. It's a strange feeling to see yourself in your children, and I am so proud you are mine. I always wondered what life would be like having a son, and it's so much better than I thought...you are rough and tough, and you are also sweet and cuddly.

You are so handsome, Ethan. Your eyelashes are just one of your many endearing traits. I just know that someday your girlfriends are going to be smitten with them the same way your mommy is! You have a perfect mix of faces...you have a stone-cold expression that you do just about any time I try to take your picture, but all I have to do is say "Peek-a-boo!" and you are grinning from ear to ear! And your sad face...well, it must be said, you win! You know just how to get what you want from your mommy. (Which is usually to be picked up and snuggled!) I don't know how you perfected it so well in your short life, but you did! It's hard to resist you when those lips turn down and your eyebrows get all wrinkly...I love all your faces.

There's a sweetness about you that is hard to resist. Early on, it was you who loved to be held and who loved to wrap your little arms around my neck. You can't even imagine how much you melt my heart when you hold on tight...Even when you are sick, you are still a little love. Which is what happened just recently. You poor little thing, you had an ear infection in both ears and nobody knew...that's how much you didn't complain. But for me, the good part of you being sick were all the late nights you and I got to spend together. As much I like my own sleep, I'd give it up in a heartbeat if it means I get to rock my youngest boy all by yourself and hold you until you fall asleep. Having time just for the two of us is hard to come by in the daylight hours, which is why I so love our late night "mommy and me dates". I cherish those times because I know that someday, you will be too big and strong to sit in my lap...

Sweetness aside, Ethan Bear, you are a crack-up! One of my favorite times of the day is first thing in the morning when I hear you start to wake up. I race in to be the first one to see you because you do this incredibly funny thing we call the "penguin waddle" when you know someone is at your crib to take you out! (I like to think it's something special you do only for me, but I know it's not really!) Your whole body wiggles from side to side like a penguin, and I can't help but laugh. I can't wait to pick you up and snuggle you for the first time each day! You are a wonderful way to start my day.

You absolutely love faces and you study them with a fierce intensity. I can always see the wheels turning in your head as you try and figure out if you can make the same faces that are being made at you. You love, love, love to stick your tongue out! Furthermore, if you can blow raspberries, you will! You make me laugh and smile so much more than you know. And you, my friend, are a smoocher! You are the only one of the three of you who gives kisses! But your kisses are much funnier than most...You are what I like to call an open mouth kisser! As soon as I pucker up, you lean in, mouth wide open and plant one on your mommy! Slobber and all, I love your kisses the most...

The future is wide open for you Ethan. You are only 8 months old and already so smart. You made my life complete. You made my heart complete. Nothing you will ever do could change that. I am in awe of you every day that I've watched you grow from a tiny, fragile preemie to my biggest, toughest boy. There are days I watch you play and giggle and study things and I think to myself I didn't deserve a son as perfect as you...I will spend my life hoping I do not disappoint you. You deserve the best this life has to offer. So just know this Ethan, though I will probably never have the right words to tell you how much you were wanted, know that every time I look at you, I think to myself, "I made you, and you are my mine to love for a lifetime."

I love you Ethan Bear. Forever and longer.

Love, Mommy

**Come back tomorrow for my letter to Colton....